


Drinking Is A Bad Idea

by bluemooning



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Crack, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-01-08
Updated: 2017-01-08
Packaged: 2018-09-15 20:29:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 423
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/9255608
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bluemooning/pseuds/bluemooning
Summary: “Ah - Shirabu - “ he gasped out, “Not my single barreled pump action bollock!”





	

**Author's Note:**

> [i was inspired](http://thisiswhymomworries.tumblr.com/post/136826872168/writing-smut-like)

Dizzy from wine and eight shots of tequila, taken one after the other, Shirabu couldn’t help but notice how  _ big _ Kawanishi’s donger was. He gave his forearm a look, and then switched his gaze to Kawanishi’s groin, mentally comparing the two.

“Shirabu,” said Kawanishi, “Wha - wha - what’re you doing?” His words came halting and unsure, and they only heightened the tension between them more.

“Shut up,” Shirabu said, and began to rub his palm roughly against Kawanishi’s trouser snake, until the schlong was impressively firm beneath his hands and Kawanishi’s tenting pants looked painful in and of itself. Kawanishi’s beef whistle looked even bigger now, under the dim lightning of their shitty apartment. It made Shirabu’s baloney pony stiffen too, until his belly burned and his wing wang doodle wanted nothing more than carnal satisfaction.

Breathing hard, he ignored his own custard launcher, and undid Kawanishi’s pants with jittery fingers, easing the flesh flute from its underwear prison. Man milk had already begun to leak from the tip, and Shirabu licked it up like it would be his last meal. 

And maybe it would be. The longer Kawanishi’s purple-headed yogurt flinger stood rock-hard in front of Shirabu, he could easily imagine himself to be a damned man. The mere thought of that slick mulligan inside of him, pushing and pulling over and over again - it might as well have been a death sentence.

But the tequila thought otherwise, and instead of running away from Kawanishi’s spawn hammer, Shirabu chose to embrace it. He took the tan banana into his hands and worked the shaft with his fingers, squeezing and pressing just enough to make Kawanishi moan into the air. 

“Ah - Shirabu - “ he gasped out, “Not my single barreled pump action bollock!”

It was too late. Whether Kawanishi liked it or not, his meter long king kong dong had long since been under Shirabu’s control. This realization made him cry out more into the air, as Shirabu worked his fuck hammer into delirium.

And then Kawanishi’s purple-helmeted warrior of love exploded in all directions, showering the premises with baby yogurt - mostly landing on Shirabu’s face and in his hair. It dribbled down into his mouth and he licked it up slowly, savoring the taste.

In the next second, Kawanishi was already trying to clean it up - the damages that his very own heat-seeking moisture missile had caused. “Oh god, I’m so sorry - “

He paused suddenly, and looked down at Shirabu’s limp disco stick.

“Shirabu, you - “

“Whiskey dick,” Shirabu said shakily, and promptly passed out.


End file.
